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Gratitude

In MY day… I’ll tell you why, because I said so, that’s why. Don’t ask me, ask your mother. Were you raised in a barn? Close the door! Don’t worry, it’s only blood. Don’t you know any normal boys? Now you listen to me, Buster! Coffee will stunt your growth. A little dirt never hurt anyone – just wipe it off. Get your elbows off the table. Keep your eye on the ball. Who said life was supposed to be fair. Always say “please” and “thank you.” That way you get more. You call that a haircut? “Hey” is for horses. This will hurt me more than it hurts you. Turn off the lights! Do you think we’re made out of money? Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady. You call that noise “music?” We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are. No, we’re not there yet. When I was your age, I treated my father with respect. As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules. Do what I say, not what I do. Sit up straight! So, you think you’re smart, do you? What’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face. I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times. You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do. You should visit more often, your mother worries. I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What keeps those jeans of yours from falling down? I’m not just talking to hear my own voice. Don’t take yourself too seriously, take what you do seriously. Laugh at yourself first, you’ll take the bite out of others doing so for you. You’re always a winner if lose with a smile. Eat it – it’ll grow hair on your chest. If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you follow? If I didn’t love you so much, I wouldn’t punish you. Stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry. When I was your age I had to walk ten miles to school in ten feet of snow, up both hills, both ways. You’re only young once. You’re going to like it, whether you like it or not. The early bird gets the worm. Rise and shine! Don’t look at me in that tone of voice! How many times do I have to tell you, I’m not lost, it’s just over the next hill. As long as you try your hardest, that’s all that matters. If if’s and buts were candy and nuts, then we’d all have a Merry Christmas. Don’t believe anything you hear, and only half of what you see. What do you think I am, a bank? I don’t care what other people are doing, I’m not everyone else’s father. You’re not leaving this house dress like that. Didn’t your teacher learn you anything? You can marry a rich guy just as easily as a poor guy. It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad. Hey, did you hear me talking to you? I’m not sleeping, just resting me eyes. You’ll shoot your eye out! Am I talking to a brick wall? Act your age.  Turn off that damn cell phone! We’re dining together. Two wrongs do not make a right. Wipe your feet! Enough is enough. Don’t make me stop this car! What did I just get finished telling you? You know you’re always going to be daddy’s little girl. I hope I’m around to see you trying to raise your own kids. When you grow up, you’re going to thank me.

THANKS, DAD!